- eczema gets worse (check)
- canker sores (check)
- mood instability (check)
- anxiety (check)
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
signs that I am stressed:
Monday, February 2, 2009
where to start?
so many thoughts in my head right now, i don't know where to start.
it's been a while since ive blogged. my life has changed considerably since then. i spose this blog will be meant for close friends and others who may be interested in my musings. lately, i think a lot about spirituality, self-discipline or the lack thereof, the dalai lama, politics (with a definite progressive viewpoint), personal and professional growth, and graduate school. i imagine i will blog about these topics, so you're forewarned.
i think, more than anything, i am interested in the journey of life and its lessons.
so it is with considerably irony that i am considering volunteering with my parents' church. those of you know have known me a long time will be shocked. i'm surprising myself by giving it serious contemplation. for those who i've come into acquaintance more recently, you should know that for the longest time, i was seriously anti-korean christian. i had so much anger and bitterness stored inside, and i was stubborn as hell. i didn't understand or ever feel spirituality until 2008. I still don't care for religion, but i have a lot of respect for spirituality, and ive come to make peace with my misogynistic and homophobic cultural roots.
Strangely, i think what i would be interested in doing is getting people to see each other as human beings, not roles or positions. it's clear that the youth ministry is struggling. a youth pastor just left and the previous youth leader was "fired" by the teenagers. the american born youth have no connection to spirituality and i can see them becoming lost. the youth leadership - one being the former fired leader - is out of touch with the youth. For example, they invited everyone over to our house to watch the superbowl. However, for the most part, the teens stayed to their cliques and paid no attention to football. My dad is wading in there and trying to get involved, but he's too busy intent on preaching his message to really listen. On the up side, these are all really good people who are earnest and trying hard. they just need a little guidance.
so i'm thinking i could become an advisor to the youth leaders. i have no interest in attending the church. if i took over the youth group, i would work on leadership development with the youth, but no preaching.
i hesitate, though. i hesitate to give my my time, my freedom, and my energy. I'm loathe to invest myself in relationships when i'm leaving. also - there's the whole queer identity, i feel stuffed in the closet.
at the same time, i am preventing myself from having some rewarding relationships. i could also see the potential to have a positive impact on the church. i think the adults need the leadership development as much as the youth do.
goddammit why is it that if i see a problem, i feel compelled to fix it? argh
it's been a while since ive blogged. my life has changed considerably since then. i spose this blog will be meant for close friends and others who may be interested in my musings. lately, i think a lot about spirituality, self-discipline or the lack thereof, the dalai lama, politics (with a definite progressive viewpoint), personal and professional growth, and graduate school. i imagine i will blog about these topics, so you're forewarned.
i think, more than anything, i am interested in the journey of life and its lessons.
so it is with considerably irony that i am considering volunteering with my parents' church. those of you know have known me a long time will be shocked. i'm surprising myself by giving it serious contemplation. for those who i've come into acquaintance more recently, you should know that for the longest time, i was seriously anti-korean christian. i had so much anger and bitterness stored inside, and i was stubborn as hell. i didn't understand or ever feel spirituality until 2008. I still don't care for religion, but i have a lot of respect for spirituality, and ive come to make peace with my misogynistic and homophobic cultural roots.
Strangely, i think what i would be interested in doing is getting people to see each other as human beings, not roles or positions. it's clear that the youth ministry is struggling. a youth pastor just left and the previous youth leader was "fired" by the teenagers. the american born youth have no connection to spirituality and i can see them becoming lost. the youth leadership - one being the former fired leader - is out of touch with the youth. For example, they invited everyone over to our house to watch the superbowl. However, for the most part, the teens stayed to their cliques and paid no attention to football. My dad is wading in there and trying to get involved, but he's too busy intent on preaching his message to really listen. On the up side, these are all really good people who are earnest and trying hard. they just need a little guidance.
so i'm thinking i could become an advisor to the youth leaders. i have no interest in attending the church. if i took over the youth group, i would work on leadership development with the youth, but no preaching.
i hesitate, though. i hesitate to give my my time, my freedom, and my energy. I'm loathe to invest myself in relationships when i'm leaving. also - there's the whole queer identity, i feel stuffed in the closet.
at the same time, i am preventing myself from having some rewarding relationships. i could also see the potential to have a positive impact on the church. i think the adults need the leadership development as much as the youth do.
goddammit why is it that if i see a problem, i feel compelled to fix it? argh
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